A Yankee has Landed in Texas

My brother and his wife were coming to visit.  Every corner of the house was cleaned and the house was nice and shiny!  Two more days and they’ll arrive!  The beautiful new sheets, bedspread and pillows were ready to be put on the bed.  But, wait!  There was one of those foam rubber mattresses on the bed.  It was about 6 inches thick.  The outside of the foam had a plastic cover sewn over it, kind of like a plastic tablecloth.  It had a binding around it and little tiny holes in it. It had been on the bed a while so I decided I would vacuum it.  No, wait, even better than that!  It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining bright and warm enough so I could wash it and let it dry outside!  I dragged the mattress outside of the house to the patio surrounding the pool.  There I hosed it down and washed it with a nice smelling detergent.   I left the mattress standing on it’s side in the blazing sun.  Later in the afternoon, I turned it around so the other side would dry really good.   In the evening, I took the mattress into the house and put it back on the bed.  It looked great and smelled great too!  What a nice sun dried, great smelling bed my guests would have to sleep in!  I was really proud of the room I had prepared for them!

The next morning, I made the bed and around noon, our guests arrived.  When bedtime came at 11:00 PM, we were all very tired but looking forward to a wonderful day the next day.  My brother and his wife headed off to bed.  They emerged from the bedroom shortly thereafter.  I was surprised to see both of them and I asked “What’s wrong?”.  My brother replied “Our bed is soaking wet!  When we first got in, it was fine, but after just a few minutes, both of us were feeling wet.  Our skin was wet and so were our pajamas.  I mentioned this to her (he pointed to his wife) and she said, ‘Well, maybe it’s a water bed’.  I explained to her that if you sleep in a water bed, you are not sleeping in water and you don’t get wet!”.  Laughter erupted from all of us and we went into the bedroom, removed the foam mattress and took it back out on the patio.  We wiped off the box spring mattress laid some blankets down and my guests went to bed happy! 

In my zeal to have the cleanest, best smelling mattress for them, I just didn’t stop to think that when you press down on foam any water within will rise to the top!  How awkward!

The restaurant was chosen carefully.  Several were in the running but this had to be special.  The very handsome prince charming was going to join his princess and her family there.  Her family consisted of her mom and dad and younger sister.  The princess chose the place, which was not too classy, not too plain, not too expensive, not too cheap but just right - the perfect place for a perfect meal.  Reservations were made for 6:00 PM.  The princess and her family arrived on time and were escorted to their table.  The prince had not yet arrived.  Mom & dad summoned the waiter and asked if they could look over the menu.  They were told that tonight they were having a ‘buffet only’.  That would be fine - it makes it easier for everyone.  No one has to make any decisions based on the menu. 

Mom and dad looked at their watches as the prince still had not arrived.  It was now 6:20 and they patiently sat and waited, and waited, and waited.  6:30, still no prince!  They waited and waited.  6:45, no prince yet - tummies were starting to growl!  The decision was made to call prince charming.  Yes, he was on his way!  (He had just gotten out of the shower at 6:20!)  At 7:00 PM, prince charming arrived and met a group of ravished people, especially the mother of the princess.  She had nothing to eat all day!  

“Let’s get our plates”, mom said, and up she went to the buffet table, followed by her family and the prince.  Back at the table, mom devoured her food very quickly and excused herself to go back for a second serving.  This time, no one followed.  With her second plate in hand, she returned to the table and finished off the second plate.  She excused herself and headed back to the buffet.  Once again, with more food on her plate, she rejoined the family and the prince at the table.  The princess and her sister were getting a bit uneasy.  But, good old mom was really, really hungry that night and never noticed that the eyes of the princess, her sister and even prince charming were wide with amazement!  They had never seen their mother eat so much!  As the mother started to get up from the table once again and head tot he buffet for her fourth plate, the sister said aloud “You’re not going back again, are you?”.  The dad joined in, “Don’t tell me you want more!”.  The prince and the princess only looked at each other and said nothing!  The mother explained she was just looking for a few more little shrimp and off she went!  Finally, dinner was over, the prince said goodnight and thanked them all for a wonderful meal, smiling twice at the mom.  He departed and the princess said, “Well that was awkward!”

Was it?

And a beautiful couple they are - young, still in high school, vibrant, energetic and anxious to spend time together whenever, wherever they can.  How about her parents house?  It’s a nice place.  They could sit together on the sofa and watch TV.  Her parents understand young love - they won’t be in the way, even though both the “prince charming” and his princess know full well that nothing improper is tolerated; in other words, no funny business allowed!  At least they’ll be together laughing, sharing, talking.  Wonderful idea! 

The prince shows up at the appointed time, greets the mom & dad appropriately and sits down on the sofa.  The princess and the prince charming decide what they want to watch on TV.  They turn on their special program and the mom and dad disappear into another part of the house.  How perfect!  The young couple are enjoying their program and being together.  Then, something happens.  Right in the middle of their show, a singer appears.  The singer starts out singing a song that was popular perhaps 18 years ago, during the time the mom and dad were dating.  The mom and dad hear the music, that good old rock and roll, and they get excited, so much so that they emerge vigorously from their quiet place, singing loudly and enthusiastically performing the motions they had performed so many years ago.  They swayed from side to side and held one arm in the air as if holding a lighter while at a concert and they grinned from ear to ear and sang their hearts out.  They even danced a little and played some air guitar.  They took their places at the side of the TV in plain sight of the royal couple and, when it was over, back they went to their own space, quiet once again.   The prince and princess just looked at each other and went back to watching their show.

The TV show ended, the prince said goodnight to all and left.  The princess looked at her mom and dad and remarked, “Well that was awkward!”  They all said goodnight and went to bed! 

Was that more awkward for the prince?  Or the princess?  Or no one?!  You decide!

A young girl, 16 years old and still in high school, looking at her senior year approaching, has met a very attractive guy.  Tall, dark curly hair, beautiful teeth, kind hearted.  She feels he is her true prince charming.  He shows he is interested in her and cares about her.  What a nice relationship they have made.  Proms are coming up and because they attend different schools, she will be going to his prom and he, to hers.  OK! 

She has met his parents and they are quiet and reserved.  Not much conversation takes place but everything seems good.  Now he must meet her parents.  He comes over to her house and the ice is broken.  No doubt about it, her parents are more outgoing, friendly, more modern, even religious and much more exciting!  After about their 3rd meeting, the girls grandparents come to visit from another state.  The girl is very anxious for her prince charming to come to her home and meet her grandparents so she invites the boy over.  One early evening, in walks the girl with her prince charming.  Introductions are made, a little small talk, lots of smiles and then the girl and boy depart into the dining room.  They are sitting there playing songs (Country Western) on a laptop computer.

The girl’s dad walks in the room and the girl says to her prince charming, “My dad loves the song, ‘I Loved her First’.”.  The dad elaborates a bit and says “Wait, I have the song!” and off he goes to get it.  The girl, using her computer, brings up the song and calls her dad back into the dining room.  Her dad then calls to the grandparents who are in the kitchen, “Come on out here and listen to this song - I just really love this song!”  Into the dining room go the grandparents and also the girl’s mother.  The father is standing beside the dining room table singing in his loudest finest voice “I loved her first…”, sending a message loud and clear to her prince charming! 

After the song ends, the dad leaves the room and comes right back with another song- “Gotta Clean My Gun”.  Whew!  This song is about a father and how he keeps his gun clean and if anything ever happened to his daughter, how he would use it.  Whew!  Now the father starts singing in the dining room once again and REALLY gets into this song, rolling his eyes over to his daughter and to her prince, especially the prince!  He lays it on thick!  He sings again - “I’ve got a gun and I know how to use it.  I really need to clean it and keep it nice and handy.”  Of course, all this done with a happy-go-lucky smiling face.  Grandparents, mom, dad, girl and prince charming are all grinning too.  The song finishes after being played twice and then the girl announces they have to get going and starts to leave.  Prince charming says his goodbyes politely and the father says, “Don’t stay out too late  although it really doesn’t matter much, because I’ll just be sitting right here cleaning my gun and it’ll be REAL clean!” 

In about an hour, the girl comes home.  She walks in and says, “Well that was awkward!”  I understand it to mean she was embarrassed by her father - the songs, the gun - all just too much for her!  Then again, maybe she means it was awkward for her Prince Charming.  Perhaps it could have been awkward for the grandparents and maybe for the mother?  An awkward situation for all?  Indeed!! 

So, we all say goodnight and go to bed.